Would you ever date a feminist?
Would you ever date a feminist?
This was the question I asked over 30 guys on three different dating apps in an effort to determine which dating app was most feminist friendly. As it turns out opening conversations with this question is a sure way of weeding out the fuckboys. However, even the most ideal responses left me questioning the legitimacy and motives behind them.
In terms of feminist-friendly dating apps, OkCupid seems the most promising, with most responses indicating an absolute “yes” to the question. An actual date would be needed in order to verify if they are indeed a feminist or just a thirsty fuckboy.
There, however, lies a problem with labeling OkCupid as a feminist-friendly dating app because it requires users to take a thorough questionnaire to more accurately match users based on interests, political beliefs, and values. The positive responses on OkCupid were from guys who I had at least an 80% match with.
One user on OkCupid acknowledged how this question effectively weeds out the assholes, but in the same response said he hated the “nomenclature of feminism.” I should have followed up and asked him if he would ever date a person who believed in the equality of the sexes.
I would like to give a shout out to the guy on OkCupid who went as far as to say that he is all for equal rights because so many of the responses on all three apps indicated general confusion about what feminism is.
Tinder also showed promising responses, with the exception of a few outliers. Out of the 10 guys I asked this question, eight of them had a positive response to the question. Tinder was the only app where I encountered users who considered themselves feminists. Out of the eight positive responses, three users indicated they were feminists.
My favorite of the Tinder outliers: "I don't care for labels," — 27 year old whose bio reads "all women are beautiful except the ugly ones." You can't make this stuff up. *side eyes*
Surprisingly, Bumble — the app in which women send the opening message — ranked lowest for feminist friendly dating apps in comparison to OkCupid and Tinder. Bumble was where I received responses that ranged from a straight up “no” to non committal answers and even to explicit and lewd replies. My personal favorite: “That depends. Does the feminist mind being handcuffed and spread apart by the D? If not then sure I would 100% date a feminist.”
Appalling, but not surprising in the sphere of dating apps where men can simply send creepy messages.
One Bumble guy — who has previously dated a feminist — gave me a long-winded response to the question: “What is a feminist really? Is it someone who has a set of beliefs? Is it someone who acts on those beliefs? Is using those beliefs to philosophically inform your day-to-day decisions enough or do you have to actively advocate to be a feminist?” The response felt a little too try hard for me, but it did lead to an interesting conversation that explored feminism more.
Then there was another guy from Bumble whose response felt completely dismissive of feminism. “I'd date anyone who I'm compatible and comfortable with, is a genuine good person, and laughs at all my horrible dad jokes. If I like someone, I accept them for who they are, inside and out.”
His response, which did not even answer the question, really meant, “Absolutely not, but I want to come off as an open-minded, reflective guy.”
Or this guy who thinks there is more important factors than equality of the sexes: Whether or not someone is a feminist is not a qualifying or disqualifying factor in if I would be willing to date that person.
Casual dating is exhausting. Apps, such as Bumble, Tinder, and OkCupid, founded on such a simple concept of swiping through prospective dates are even exhausting. Being upfront about the non negotiables when it comes to prospective dates makes the whole thing a little less exhausting because for this Bottle bitch, being a feminist is a non negotiable.
Meghan Fernandez is an educator in Los Angeles and pug enthusiast. When she’s not stressing about lesson plans and student data, she is frequenting happy hour, reading the news, obsessing over Doug the Pug, and eating too many carnitas. Her bottle of choice is Trader Joe’s cheapest bottle of Pinot Noir.